How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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