I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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