If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
