You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
