i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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