Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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