WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
