I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
