Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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