After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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