just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
