She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Oh god it's open bar.
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