my mouth tastes like poor choices
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
