I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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