at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize