I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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