Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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