I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize