I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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