sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
