i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
