can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob