Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.