Yo dont text me then not text me
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
