eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
