Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
