evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
