Dual....:-)
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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