"it" just moved
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
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