Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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