just survived the first fart of the relationship.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
