I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
