i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
We talked him into tasing himself.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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