So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I just found puke in my bra..
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
