ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
