why didn't you poke me back
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
