my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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