I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
