mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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