If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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