I will die if light touches me.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
