Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
