Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
