what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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