And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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