Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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