so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
So much Jack, so little girl.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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