i need an iv and a liver transplant
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
