I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
