I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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