No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
How naked do you want me to be?
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