i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
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