I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
