I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
