You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
