***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
