he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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