apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
