I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
false alarm, still single
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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