where am i from again
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
