I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
