I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
