ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
