i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
