using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
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Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
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He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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