i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
