If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
