I need to stop coming to work sober
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
i out mim tonsoeep
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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