Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
