Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
