You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
too bad you live with your parents still
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
