Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
