I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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