Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Randomize
