it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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