the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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