I think i peed on brittanys purse
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ruined the universe
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize