My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
