I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
