I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
