i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
