I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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