Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
