i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
