the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
