mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
