feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
