speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
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