Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
