Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
