please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize